Love

Kristi Neace, Valerie Howe and I are leading a conference called “Unshakeable” at First Baptist Church, Villa Ridge, on October 15. Our featured Scripture passage that day is from Luke 10:27—“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind, and love your neighbor as your love yourself” (TEV).

Kristi will be speaking on loving God with all your soul and mind, and Valerie will be speaking on loving God with all your heart and strength. I’ll be speaking on loving your neighbor.

Cheryl asked those of you in her blog readership if you had any questions for the three of us regarding these verses. One of you told her to ask me, “How do you love yourself if you never have?”

Here’s My Answer

I would question the “never have” part of the question. I suspect you love yourself some. You love yourself if you take care of yourself at all. You love yourself enough not to step out in front of a speedy car. You make sure you are fed. You shower and dress. If you’re sick, you take yourself to the doctor. These are the kinds of things Jesus meant when he said to love your neighbor as yourself. That commandment, as the parable of the Good Samaritan which follows in Luke 10 indicates, is about meeting the needs of those around us by doing for them the same kinds of things we do for ourselves.

To ask “how do you love yourself,” I think you are wanting more than that kind of love. Your question, I’m assuming, means you want to feel better about yourself, appreciate who you are and what you can do. It is in this sense that you don’t love yourself.

That can be changed if you are willing to do some work. If you are, here are some things you might do.

Thank God for who you are and for your attributes. Be as specific as you can, and make it a habit of doing this everyday until you notice a change, and then thank God for changing you!

Quote Psalm 139:13-16 frequently throughout the day. Say it out loud as you drive to work or as you are doing dishes. Make it personal. Put your name in it when you say “You created every part of me (your name). Say it before you go to bed at night and when you get up in the morning.

Surrender your negative thoughts to God in prayer and then affirm in prayer a picture of your loving yourself. Thoughts led to emotion, not the other way around. Identify what those negative thoughts are (Is it jealousy? Envy? Anger? Disgust?). Give these thoughts to God and then affirm what you want to see. Your affirmation could go something like this: “I see You, Lord, as smiling because You are pleased with me. You delight in who I am. You have meaning and purpose for my life. You value my service to You, and You take pleasure in watching over me.” Make this a morning exercise every day until you experience a change in your feelings.

Believe God has a purpose for your life—you with your unique attributes and in your particular situation have something special to offer. Begin to walk, to talk, and to act in acknowledgement of that. This is where the love your neighbor part comes in. Think of what you can do for others. Whose life can you make better? What encouragement can you bring to the discouraged? Go on mission trips, visit nursing homes, teach Sunday school, visit the lonely . . . you get the picture. Put the focus of your attention on others, not on yourself, and love will come your way.

Have a conversation with Jesus by saying out loud both sides of a dialogue. I got this idea from Rosalind Rinker. It’s from her book Communicating Love Through Prayer (Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan Publishing House, 1966) and I quoted a version of it in my books He Said What?!: Jesus’ Amazing Words to Women and Prayerfully Yours. It goes something like this.

Brenda: Lord Jesus, are you right here with me?

Jesus: Yes, Brenda, I am here with you.

Brenda: Your love for me never changes, does it?

Jesus: No, my love for you never changes; I always have and I always will love you.

Brenda: But Lord, how can you love me? Most of the time I don’t even like myself. Jesus: I understand how you feel, but your insight about yourself is limited. I, however, love you for yourself. Believe me because I want to help you. You are my precious child.

Through the years, I’ve used this prayer form at times when I haven’t felt loved, and it never failed to help. In fact, I’ve used all of these suggestions; that’s why I can heartily recommend them to you. I know they work, and if you put your heart and soul into it, they will help you, too. Maybe others reading this blog will have some suggestions for you, too. We’ll all rooting for you. We want you to love yourself because God loves you.